Couples therapy is not only for marriages on the edge, it does not mean anyone failed, and a good therapist will not pick a side. At Lisa Chen & Associates Therapy in Hermosa Beach and Pasadena, couples therapy is structured, practical work for two people who want things to feel different, in person or by video anywhere in California. It tends to help most when both partners agree to come, start before resentment hardens, and stay consistent.
Most couples wait a long time before they call. Part of the delay is practical, but a lot of it comes from ideas about therapy that don't hold up once you're in the room. Here are the seven we hear most often, and what actually happens instead.
Myth 1: Couples therapy is only for relationships in crisis
Plenty of couples come in when nothing is on fire. They notice they have become efficient co-managers of a household and less like partners, or the same argument keeps coming back in slightly different clothes. Starting earlier is usually easier, because there is more goodwill to work with and fewer old injuries to clear first.
If you're wondering whether you've waited too long, our post on whether it's ever too late for couples therapy walks through what still makes a difference.
Myth 2: Going to therapy means you failed
Asking for help with your relationship is the same kind of decision as hiring a coach for anything else that matters to you. It says you take the relationship seriously enough to put time and money into it. Many of the people we work with run teams, companies or busy households with real skill. Bringing in outside expertise for the most important partnership in their life is consistent with how they handle everything else.
Myth 3: The therapist will decide who is right
A couples therapist works for the relationship, not for either partner. Our job is to slow conversations down enough that each of you can see the pattern you're both caught in, including the blind spots each of you brings. When one partner feels singled out, we name it and rebalance, because the work stalls if either of you feels outnumbered.
That does not mean everything is treated as equal. If there has been an affair, ongoing contempt or another breach of trust, we address it directly.
Myth 4: It's mostly digging up the past
The past matters when it explains why a present-day argument hits so hard, but it is not the main event. We start with what is happening between you now: the fights, the distance, the conversations that go nowhere. Early sessions focus on calming that pattern so daily life feels more workable. Deeper work on where those reactions come from follows, so the same pattern is less likely to return.
Myth 5: You have to be married
Couples therapy is for any two people in a committed relationship, married or not. We also see couples before they marry. Premarital counseling is one of the most practical things a couple can do, because you get to talk through money, family, conflict and expectations before they turn into problems.
Myth 6: One partner can go alone and fix the relationship
Individual therapy can change a lot, and sometimes it is the right first step. Couples therapy is different. We begin couples work when both partners have agreed to come, and we don't meet with one partner alone as part of couples therapy. If your partner isn't ready yet, starting individual therapy for yourself is a good option, and many people move into joint sessions later.
Myth 7: It's too expensive and insurance never helps
Cost is a real consideration, and you should know the numbers before you start. At our practice, sessions are $180 to $300 with an associate therapist, $250 to $325 with a licensed therapist, and $450 to $500 with Lisa Chen, LMFT. We are an out-of-network practice. Many employers' PPO plans also reimburse a portion of out-of-network couples therapy, and we provide superbills to make that easier. Our Fees & FAQs page has the full details, including HSA and FSA use.
So, does couples therapy work?
It can, and it tends to help most under a few conditions. Both partners agree to come and stay engaged. You start before contempt and resentment have set in. Sessions are consistent, usually weekly at first. And the therapist uses a structured method rather than simply hosting the conversations you could have at home.
Our therapists use established approaches, including the Gottman Method, Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO), Imago, and EMDR when old injuries are driving current reactions. Lisa Chen, LMFT is Gottman Level 2 and IFS Level 2 trained and experienced in IFIO. Our associate therapists are Gottman trained and work from the same model under close supervision, so early sessions follow a clear structure.
It is also normal for things to feel harder for a short stretch, because you are finally talking about what has been avoided. Our post on feeling worse after couples therapy explains why that happens and what to do with it.
What the first few sessions look like
The first session is mostly about understanding your relationship: what brought you in, what each of you wants to be different, and how conflict usually unfolds between you. Over the next few sessions your therapist maps the pattern you're both caught in and gives you a few concrete tools to try at home. For a detailed walkthrough, read what to expect during couples therapy.
Where to start
Lisa Chen & Associates Therapy sees couples in person in Hermosa Beach and Pasadena and by secure video anywhere in California. The first step is a free 20-minute consultation, where we learn what's going on and match you with the therapist whose training, schedule and fee fit.
You can also reach us at hello@lisachentherapy.com or (213) 537-9672. We reply within one business day.
Reading between sessions
If you want something to read alongside therapy, these are the resources we recommend most often.
Free Gottman couples exercises from our practice, short exercises you can do together at home.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver.
The Gottman Institute blog, for research-based articles on conflict, trust and connection.
You're the One You've Been Waiting For by Richard Schwartz, the founder of Internal Family Systems.
Frequently asked questions
Does couples therapy work?
Couples therapy tends to help most when both partners agree to come, start before resentment hardens, and attend consistently. A structured approach such as the Gottman Method or IFIO also matters. At Lisa Chen & Associates Therapy, couples work follows a clear model, in person in Hermosa Beach and Pasadena or online across California.
Is couples therapy only for couples in crisis?
No. Many couples come in when nothing is in crisis, because they feel more like co-managers than partners or keep having the same argument. Starting earlier is usually easier, since there is more goodwill to work with and fewer old injuries to repair first.
Will the therapist take sides?
No. A couples therapist works for the relationship rather than for either partner. The goal is to help both of you see the pattern you're caught in, including each person's blind spots. Serious issues such as an affair or another breach of trust are still addressed directly.
Do we have to be married to do couples therapy?
No. Couples therapy is for any two people in a committed relationship, married or not. Premarital counseling is also available and helps couples talk through money, family, conflict and expectations before they become problems.
How much does couples therapy cost at Lisa Chen & Associates?
Sessions are $180 to $300 with an associate therapist, $250 to $325 with a licensed therapist, and $450 to $500 with Lisa Chen, LMFT. The practice is out of network, many employers' PPO plans reimburse a portion, and superbills are provided. The first 20-minute consultation is free.
Can I start couples therapy if my partner isn't ready?
We begin couples therapy when both partners have agreed to come, and we don't meet with one partner alone as part of couples work. If your partner isn't ready, individual therapy is a good place to start, and you can move into couples sessions later.
