5 Myths About Codependency That Are Keeping You Stuck
Quick Summary:
Codependency is often misunderstood—and that misunderstanding can keep you stuck in exhausting, one-sided relationships. Whether or not addiction is involved, codependency shows up when you chronically prioritize someone else’s needs over your own, lose your sense of self, or struggle to set boundaries. In this blog, Hermosa Beach therapist Lisa Chen, LMFT, breaks down five of the most persistent myths about codependency and offers clinically grounded insights to help you heal.
→ Looking for a codependency therapist in Hermosa Beach or St. Augustine? Start here.
Myth #1: Codependency Only Happens in Relationships With Addiction
It’s a common misconception that codependency only exists in relationships involving substance abuse. While the term did originate in the addiction recovery world, we now know it can occur in any relationship marked by emotional imbalance or dysfunction. That includes relationships with a mentally ill partner, a demanding friend, or a family member with poor boundaries.
“Codependency can happen in any kind of relationship. It’s about the pattern—not the diagnosis.”
Myth #2: Codependency Is a Sign of Love and Care
It might feel loving to over-function or constantly anticipate your partner’s needs—but real love includes mutual respect, healthy boundaries, and emotional reciprocity. Codependency often masquerades as care, when in reality it’s rooted in anxiety, fear of abandonment, and a need for external validation.
“Love thrives on boundaries. Codependency thrives on self-abandonment.”
Myth #3: Codependency Means You’re Clingy or Needy
Codependency isn’t about being overly affectionate—it’s about deriving your self-worth from being needed. You might take excessive responsibility for others’ emotions, neglect your own needs, or over-identify with your caregiving role. This goes deeper than “clinginess”—it’s a survival strategy developed in environments where emotional safety was unpredictable.
“Codependency is not your identity. It’s a pattern you adapted—and you can change it.”
According to The Recovery Village, “A person who is codependent will often forgo their own needs to care for another person… relying entirely on the relationship to maintain happiness and self-esteem.”
Myth #4: Codependency Is a Permanent Personality Trait
You’re not born codependent. It’s a pattern you learned—often in childhood—and that means it can be unlearned. With support, therapy, and boundary-building practice, you can start to reclaim your voice, your needs, and your identity in relationships.
“Codependent behaviors are often brilliant adaptations. But when they go unchecked, they cost you your freedom and your peace.”
FAQ Section
Q1: How do I know if I’m codependent?
If you often feel responsible for other people’s emotions, struggle to set boundaries, or base your self-worth on being needed, you may be experiencing codependent patterns. Therapy can help you clarify this with compassion—not shame.
Q2: Can you be codependent in friendships or with family?
Absolutely. Codependency is not limited to romantic partnerships. You can become emotionally enmeshed with a sibling, parent, child, or even a coworker.
Q3: What kind of therapy helps with codependency?
Attachment-based therapy, Internal Family Systems (IFS), and EMDR can all be powerful for healing codependent patterns. At Lisa Chen & Associates, we tailor treatment to your needs and experiences.
