IFS for Beginners: A Step-by-Step Guide to Understanding Your Inner Parts
Quick Summary:
If you’re new to Internal Family Systems (IFS), this beginner-friendly exercise will guide you through how to notice, listen to, and gently connect with a part of you—whether it’s anxious, overwhelmed, perfectionistic, or simply in need of attention. Learning to dialogue with your inner world is the first step toward deep healing and self-leadership.
→ Related Resource: Learn more about IFS therapy
What is Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Why Does It Matter?
Have you ever felt like part of you wants one thing, but another part of you resists? Maybe you’re excited about a new opportunity, yet another part of you feels anxious or hesitant. This inner push-and-pull isn’t random—it’s your internal system at work.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy teaches that our minds are made up of different "parts," each with their own needs, fears, and roles. Rather than suppressing or ignoring them, IFS invites us to understand and dialogue with them—allowing us to make choices from a place of clarity, rather than inner conflict.
“Your parts are not your enemies. They are trying to help you in the best way they know how. When you listen to them with curiosity instead of judgment, real healing begins.”
If you’re new to IFS, this guide will walk you through a simple yet powerful exercise to begin an internal dialogue and connect with your parts.
A Simple IFS Exercise to Start Noticing Your Parts
Step 1: Find a Quiet Moment to Check In
Before diving into this exercise, find a calm and distraction-free space. Take a few deep breaths and gently bring your attention inward.
Ask yourself:
"What’s going on inside me right now?"
"Is there a part of me that feels particularly strong today?" (This could be a feeling of anxiety, excitement, self-doubt, or even resistance to doing this exercise.)
Whatever you notice, just acknowledge it. There’s no right or wrong answer—just curiosity.
Step 2: Identify One Part That Wants Your Attention
Now, ask yourself:
"What part of me is most active right now?"
"If this part had a voice, what would it say?"
"Where do I feel it in my body?" (Tension in the chest? A knot in the stomach? A tight jaw?)
✅ Example: You might notice an anxious part saying, "You need to do everything perfectly or you’ll fail." Or maybe there’s a sad part whispering, "I feel unappreciated."
Rather than pushing these feelings away, try welcoming them with curiosity.
Tip: If nothing comes up, that’s okay! Sometimes protectors step in and make it hard to access parts at first. You can simply say, "I’m open to hearing from any part when it’s ready."
Step 3: Get Curious About This Part
Now that you've identified a part, approach it with curiosity—like you would a friend who’s trying to tell you something important.
Ask your part:
"What is your role in my life?"
"What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t do this job?"
"How long have you been around?"
"What do you need from me right now?"
✅ Example: If you’re noticing a perfectionist part, it might say, "I keep you from failing because I don’t want you to feel ashamed."
This is a powerful moment: you realize that even parts that seem critical or overwhelming are actually trying to protect you.
Step 4: Offer Your Part Some Reassurance
Once you’ve understood its purpose, offer this part some kindness.
You might say:
"Thank you for working so hard to keep me safe. I see you."
"You don’t have to carry this burden alone—I’m here to help."
"I know you’re doing your best. I’m willing to listen more."
✅ Example: If you’re working with a fearful part, you might say, "I understand that you’re scared of failure, but I will still be okay even if things don’t go perfectly. You are safe with me."
This process helps parts soften—they no longer have to fight for your attention in extreme ways (like anxiety or self-doubt) because they know you’re listening.
How This Practice Helps You in Daily Life
By starting an internal dialogue, you’ll begin to notice:
Less inner conflict – When you stop ignoring parts and start listening, they don’t need to "act out" as much.
More self-compassion – Even your most critical parts are trying to help. Seeing this allows for deeper self-acceptance.
Greater emotional awareness – You begin to recognize what’s truly driving your reactions in relationships, work, and decision-making.
“The more you practice listening to your parts with openness, the more your inner world begins to feel like a team, rather than a battleground.”
FAQ
What if I can’t identify any parts right away?
That’s normal, especially if protector parts are strong. Just keep a gentle, curious stance. Parts will often show up when they feel it’s safe.
What’s the goal of this exercise?
Not to change or fix anything, but to listen. When parts feel seen and heard, they begin to trust your leadership.
Can I do this every day?
Yes. Even 2–5 minutes a day builds connection with your inner world. It’s like checking in with your team before the day begins.
Want to Go Deeper? Work with an IFS Therapist
Lisa Chen, IFS Therapist in Hermosa Beach, Level 2 Trained
Starting an internal dialogue is a powerful first step, but if you want deeper healing, working with an IFS therapist can help you access and unburden your most wounded parts.
Book a free consultation with an IFS therapist in Hermosa Beach to begin your journey toward self-understanding and healing.
