20 Questions for Lasting Love
By Jessica Slavin, AMFT | Lisa Chen & Associates Therapy | Hermosa Beach, CA
Most couples don't argue about what they think they argue about. The real disagreements start years earlier -- in the assumptions they never compared, the values they never articulated, the conversations they kept meaning to have but never did.
Engagement is full of momentum. Venues, timelines, guest lists, logistics. It is easy to move toward marriage without ever moving toward each other in the ways that actually matter. Not because couples don't care -- but because no one handed them a framework for doing it.
This worksheet does that.
Twenty questions across five areas of long-term partnership: what marriage means to each of you, how you handle money and family history, where your boundaries live, how you respond under pressure, and what repair looks like when things go wrong. Each question is clinically grounded and Gottman-informed. None of them have right answers. All of them have honest ones.
The couples who use this are not the ones with problems. They are the ones who understand that a strong marriage is built before the hard seasons arrive -- not during them. They are curious about each other. They want to go deeper than the surface. They are willing to be a little uncomfortable in the name of something that lasts.
Set aside an hour. Take turns. Go slowly. Let the conversation lead somewhere real.
And if what surfaces feels bigger than a worksheet can hold, our therapists are here for that too.
Jessica Slavin, AMFT California License #140590
Jessica Slavin is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist at Lisa Chen & Associates Therapy in Hermosa Beach, California. She works with couples and individuals navigating major life transitions, including engagement, marriage, and the relationship shifts that follow.
This worksheet was developed from her clinical work with premarital couples and reflects the frameworks used in session -- including Gottman Method principles and attachment-informed approaches to relational preparation.
Lisa Chen & Associates Therapy serves the South Bay and greater Los Angeles area, with telehealth available throughout California.
Five Categories. Twenty Questions.
Every area that determines
how a marriage actually works.
The questions are organized across five domains of long-term partnership. Each one is clinically grounded, Gottman-informed, and written to invite honest conversation — not correct answers.
Foundation & Meaning
What marriage means to each of you, how you define trust, what emotional needs look like, and how you want to handle conflict when it arrives.
Money, Roots & Intimacy
Financial values, family-of-origin patterns, and how physical and emotional closeness will be sustained over time.
Space, Boundaries & Vision
How you each need space, how you navigate others in the relationship, and what you are both building toward.
Stress, Spirit & Ritual
How you each respond under pressure, what role faith or meaning-making plays, and how you want to create rituals of connection.
Roles, Resilience & Repair
Division of responsibilities, how you want to show up during hard seasons, and what repair looks like when things go wrong.
Who This Guide Is For
For Couples Who Want to Get It Right
Built for couples who are serious
about what comes next.
This worksheet is not about testing your relationship. It is about deepening it. The couples who benefit most are the ones who already communicate well and want to go further — or the ones who know there are conversations they have been quietly avoiding.
- 01 Engaged couples preparing for premarital counseling or doing the work on their own
- 02 Partners who want to move beyond surface-level conversations before making a lifelong commitment
- 03 Couples in therapy using a structured framework to go deeper between sessions
- 04 Anyone who wants to understand their partner's inner world before the wedding — not after
Not all important conversations happen naturally. These twenty questions are designed to surface what matters most before it surfaces in conflict. There are no right answers — only honest ones.
Lisa Chen & Associates Therapy
Frequently Asked Questions
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Do we need to be in therapy to use this worksheet? A: No. This worksheet is designed to be used independently — just the two of you, at your own pace. Many couples work through it on their own before deciding whether to pursue premarital counseling. If what comes up feels bigger than a conversation you want to navigate alone, our therapists are here for that next step.
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Plan for about 60 to 90 minutes if you want to give each question real space. Some couples move through it in one sitting; others spread it across a few conversations. There is no right pace. The goal is depth, not speed.
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It is a starting point, not a substitute. Premarital counseling goes deeper — it involves a trained therapist who can help you navigate what surfaces, identify patterns you may not see on your own, and build skills for the long term. This worksheet is a way to begin those conversations and get a sense of where you are as a couple. If you are interested in working with one of our therapists, you can learn more about our premarital counseling services here.
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Probably more so. Couples who communicate well tend to get the most out of structured frameworks because they already have the foundation to go deep. These questions are not designed to uncover problems — they are designed to build shared language around things most couples assume they agree on but have never actually compared: what marriage means to each of you, how you each define trust, what repair looks like when things get hard. Knowing you are aligned is just as valuable as discovering where you are not.
Continue the Work
The practices in this guide are most effective when supported by skilled clinical care.
At Lisa Chen & Associates, we offer evidence-based approaches for individuals and couples throughout Los Angeles and California.
This guide is a clinical educational resource produced by Lisa Chen & Associates Therapy and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. If you are in crisis, please contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988.
Published March 2026 · Last reviewed March 2026
© 2025 Lisa Chen & Associates Therapy, Hermosa Beach, CA · For personal use only · Not for redistribution · California LMFT License #140374