How do I know if Lisa Chen & Associates is the right fit for me?

We offer a complimentary 15-minute phone consultation. It's a chance to get to know us, understand our approach, and see if we align with your needs. The purpose of an initial consultation is to determine if you are a good fit for working together. You can expect a 15–20 minute conversation where you will have the opportunity to share your concerns, goals, and what you hope to achieve through therapy. This is also a chance for you to ask questions and get a sense of the therapist's approach and personality.

Our fees range from $180 to $350 per 50-minute session based on the clinician's experience, specialized training, and services provided. Lisa Chen's fees are $350 per 50-minute session for both individual and couples counseling. Licensed Client Session fees are $200 for individual and $225 for couples counseling per 50-minute session. Associate Clinician fees are $180 for individual and $200 for couples counseling per 50-minute session. We also reserve spots for clients requesting a sliding-scale rate to accommodate financial needs.

Do you accept insurance?

Lisa Chen & Associates are out-of-network providers. We provide monthly insurance statements ('Superbills') for you to seek partial reimbursement from your insurance company according to your policy. For questions about your out-of-network benefits, please contact your insurance carrier before scheduling.

What is your cancellation policy?

Weekly clients are allowed 3 free cancellations every 6 months, and bi-weekly clients are allowed 2 free cancellations every 6 months, beginning from the date of your first session. You will be responsible for payment for your normally scheduled session time for all cancelled appointments beyond this. Please provide at least 48 hours' notice for cancellations. You may always choose to reschedule and/or take sessions virtually to accommodate occasional scheduling conflicts.

How often should I expect to meet?

We recommend weekly therapy sessions for optimal progress. However, there are times when clients prefer to meet twice a week for more complex challenges. During your initial phone consultation, let us know if you are interested in more frequent sessions.

Are you offering in-person sessions?

Yes, we are seeing clients in our South Bay office located at 2615 Pacific Coast Highway, Suite 326, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. We also offer telehealth sessions for California residents.

How do I get started with counseling?

The first step is to schedule an initial consultation by calling our office or submitting the contact form on our website. This allows us to understand your needs and match you with the best therapist for your situation. From there, we'll work with you to schedule ongoing sessions.

How To Rebuild Connection When The Spark Fades In A Long-Term Relationship

couplesrelationshiprelationship counseling

May 7

Written By Rebekah Richin, AMFT

Written by Rebekah Richin, AMFT

Quick Summary

Losing the “spark” in a relationship is common, and often misunderstood. It doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is over. More often, it signals a shift from early intensity to a deeper and more sustainable form of connection.

The honeymoon phase naturally fades within 1.5–3 years
Loss of spark is usually about disconnection, not incompatibility
Long-term love requires intentional effort, not just chemistry
Relationships can be rebuilt through emotional safety and consistent connection

Restarting a relationship isn’t about getting back to the beginning. It’s about building something more intentional and lasting.

Why The Spark Fades (And Why That’s Normal)

“I just don’t feel that same spark I felt in the beginning.”

In my work with individuals and couples, this is one of the most common concerns I hear. People often come in wondering why their relationship doesn’t feel the same as it did at the beginning, and whether that shift means something has gone wrong. What I often help couples understand is that this experience is not only normal, but one of the most predictable transitions in long-term relationships.

If you’ve ever felt it, you know exactly what the “spark” is. That indescribable, instinctive feeling you have around someone that sets them apart from everyone else. That spark can feel exciting, magnetic, and absolutely necessary for deep connection.

So, what happens when the spark, often called the “honeymoon phase”, doesn’t last forever?

Research shows that this intense period of infatuation, driven by dopamine and other neurotransmitters, typically lasts between 18 months and three years before naturally fading. It’s no coincidence that many couples struggle around this same timeframe. In fact, nearly 40% of cohabiting couples break up around the three-year mark - a pattern sometimes referred to as the “three-year glitch.”

This stage marks a transition from early intensity into long-term reality, where differences, unresolved conflicts, and questions about the future (like marriage, finances, or life direction) become more visible.

For many people, this shift feels like something has gone wrong. When the spark fades, it’s easy to assume the relationship is no longer working.

But what if that interpretation isn’t accurate?

In reality, this transition - from intensity to companionship - may not signal the end of love, but the beginning of a deeper, more sustainable kind of connection.

What It Actually Means When the “Spark” Fades

When the intensity fades, many couples interpret it as:

“We’ve lost the connection”
“Something is missing”
“Maybe we’re not right for each other”

But more often, what’s happening is a shift from chemistry-driven connection to experience-based connection.

You may notice:

Less excitement or anticipation
More routine and predictability
Increased awareness of differences
Less physical or emotional intensity

This isn’t necessarily a loss of love. It’s a change in how love feels.

The Misconception That Ends Relationships Too Soon

One of the most damaging beliefs about relationships is:

“If the spark is gone, the relationship is over.”

When people mistake this natural transition for a relationship failure, the outcome is often that the relationship ends when in fact it could have deepened into new territory. Early love is fueled by novelty and biology. Long-term love is built through:

Emotional safety
Trust
Shared meaning
Consistent effort

Although these qualities might not be quite as exciting as that butterflies-in-your-stomach, infatuated feeling, they are the things that make a relationship last.

5 Tips For Restarting a Relationship After the Spark Fades

Rebuilding connection isn’t about forcing intensity back. It’s about creating conditions where connection can grow again.

1. Shift Your Definition of Love

If you expect your relationship to always feel like the beginning, it will always feel like something is missing.

Instead, begin to recognize love in forms like:

Feeling understood
Feeling supported
Feeling emotionally safe

This shift changes how you interpret your relationship.

2. Reintroduce Intentional Connection

Early in relationships, connection happens naturally. Later, it may require a bit more effort.

You can start small with:

10–15 minutes of undistracted time together
Asking meaningful questions
Sharing something personal about your day

3. Address What’s Been Building Underneath

When the “spark” fades, underlying issues often become more visible.

This might include:

Resentment
Unmet needs
Communication gaps

Avoiding these keeps distance in place. Addressing them creates space for closeness.

4. Bring Back Curiosity

Long-term partners often stop being curious about each other.

Instead of assuming you know your partner, ask:

“What’s been on your mind lately?”
“What feels stressful right now?”
“What do you need more of from me?”

Curiosity is one of the fastest ways to rebuild emotional intimacy.

5. Create New Experiences Together

While you can’t recreate the beginning, you can introduce novelty.

This could be:

Trying something new together
Changing routines
Planning intentional time away from daily stress

New experiences help re-engage attention and connection.

A Different Way to Think About the “Spark”

The idea of a constant spark can be misleading. Long-term relationships aren’t meant to feel like the beginning forever - they are meant to evolve.

When the spark fades, it can be helpful to shift your mindset from one of loss and emptiness to one of opportunity. A deeper sense of comfortability and companionship may be accompanied by an increased sense of stability, trust, and emotional intimacy.

FAQs

Is it normal to lose the spark in a relationship?
Yes. The initial phase of intensity naturally fades in most relationships within a few years.

Can the spark come back?
Not in the exact same way - but emotional and physical connection can absolutely be rebuilt.

How do I know if it’s fixable or not?
If both partners are willing to engage, communicate, and reflect, many relationships can improve significantly.

What if I feel bored in my relationship?
Boredom is often a sign of routine and disconnection, not necessarily incompatibility. It can often be addressed with intentional change.

Action Steps

Reframe what the “spark” means to you
Identify where disconnection is showing up
Initiate one meaningful conversation
Create small, consistent moments of connection
Seek support if the relationship feels stuck

Rebekah Richin, AMFT