Therapy for Perfectionism in Los Angeles, for When Good Enough Never Is

What it is. Demanding perfection of yourself. Researchers call it self-oriented perfectionism. It can fuel real achievement, and it's also the part that never lets a win count.

Why it happens. It's often learned early, when doing well brought approval or kept things calm at home. The bar keeps rising because reaching it never felt safe enough.

Try this week

• Before you start a task, write down what done looks like, and stop there.
• After a win, say what went well before you list what you'd fix.
• Do one low-stakes task at 80 percent on purpose, and notice what actually happens.

How therapy helps. We keep the standards that serve you and work with the part of you that's afraid of what happens if you ease off, using Internal Family Systems and psychodynamic therapy.

What it is. Believing other people expect perfection from you. Researchers call it socially prescribed perfectionism, and of the three types it's the one most closely linked to anxiety, depression and burnout.

Why it happens. It often grows where love or belonging felt conditional, or where you were the one who held things together. Real pressure feeds it too: a demanding workplace, or being the first or only one in the room.

Try this week

• Write down one expectation you're sure someone has of you, then check whether it's actually true.
• In a tense moment, ask yourself who you're performing for.
• Leave one small imperfection unfixed and watch how people actually respond.

How therapy helps. We separate the expectations that are real from the ones you've absorbed, and work on where the feeling of being judged first started.

What it is. Treating a mistake as a verdict on you rather than an event. Researchers call this concern over mistakes, and it's one of the parts of perfectionism most tied to stress and low mood.

Why it happens. The inner critic usually started as protection: if you catch every flaw first, no one else can catch you out. Under pressure it works overtime.

Try this week

• When a replay starts, name it (“there's the replay”) and bring your attention to something physical, like your feet on the floor.
• Write down the harshest thing the critic says, then what you'd tell a friend who said it about themselves.
• Give yourself ten minutes to learn from a mistake, then close the file.

How therapy helps. With Internal Family Systems we get to know the critic and what it's afraid of, so it can ease up. When specific memories of failure or criticism still sting, EMDR can help.

What it is. A nagging sense that what you've done isn't quite right, which leads to checking, redoing and slow decisions.

Why it happens. Each check brings a moment of relief, so the habit grows. Over time it costs hours, and it teaches you that you can't trust your own work.

Try this week

• Set a limit of one re-read, then send.
• Give small decisions a two-minute time box.
• For a week, keep a tally of how often a second check actually catches something.

How therapy helps. We work on the anxiety that drives the checking. If checking or redoing feels compulsive or hard to stop, tell us in your consult. Some of our therapists treat looping, OCD-type thoughts.

What it is. When something has to be perfect, starting feels risky and finishing feels impossible. Research ties procrastination to the fear of falling short, not to low standards or laziness.

Why it happens. Waiting protects you from finding out it isn't perfect, for a while. Then the deadline arrives and the pressure is worse than before.

Try this week

• Start with a deliberately rough version and call it draft zero.
• Work in 25-minute blocks with a set stopping point.
• Agree on what good enough looks like with someone else before you begin.

How therapy helps. We work on the fear underneath the delay, not just your schedule, and practice finishing in low-stakes places first.

What it is. Expecting perfection from the people around you. Researchers call it other-oriented perfectionism, and it tends to cost the most in relationships and teams.

Why it happens. Often it's the same standard you hold for yourself, pointed outward. Control can feel safer than trusting someone else's version.

Try this week

• Before you correct something, ask whether it will matter in a week.
• Tell one person something they did well today.
• Hand off one task this week and let it be done their way.

How therapy helps. We look at how your standard lands at home and at work, and can bring your partner in for couples sessions when that helps.